Thoughts

There are days when I really want to go back to my caffeinated diet soda drinking habit. It's a bad habit but was always a nice addition to an afternoon at the office. However, I persevere.

I'm not sure if blog posting will resume or not. I have very little to say these days. Even a Jaeger shot with 11k to go at the Seeley Classic did not elicit a post. Neither did my first classic marathon. I'll commerate that with a picture today though. Maybe my first Birkie skied Classic style will elicit a blog revival.

A Tale of Two Races

Saturday I was at the Whitewater race and I was riding my bike and there were other people with numbers pinned on going around the same circle at the same time. I guess that makes it a race. Hills make me hurt just thinking about riding them let alone actually lining up for a race that is almost entirely hill climbing. I'm not sure I can even explain why I would line up for a seriously hilly race against some amazingly fast Cat 1/2 Women when I don't ride my bike except at the races. There is a certain level of insanity to what I'm doing. But it's cross so I do.

I won't complain (much) about the Whitewater course as I know if I was a climber I would have loved it. I'm not a climber and even when I ride a lot I'm not a climber. I did razz Dave T. about the course but hopefully he didn't take it personally. Different course favor different kinds of riders and that's okay.

The actual race . . . We start, everyone rides away basically at the first climb immediately at the start. We go by the lap cards and it says "9". My mind reels with the horror of that concept. "This will be a great workout," I tell myself. I ride hard because to ride easy would not be possible. Luckily there are some amazing superfans on the climbs whose enthusiasm keep me motivated. They made it shockingly close to fun. I suffer through the climbing while getting some sort of perverse joy out of running the sand (which I realize was rideable but not necessarily faster ridden). About half way through the race I realize that the 70 degree temps are leaving me very parched and I wonder about the likelihood of a beer handup. As luck would have it one appeared thanks to Cale from Team Pegasus. It was well executed and through some miracle I had enough momentum to not tip over while taking a quick drink even though it was the top of a painful hill. As I approached the 1 to go lap I could see the 40+ leader coming so I slowed and slowed and slowed. Then I stopped along with Pegasus's Katy and feigned a mechanical so we could get lapped and not have to do another lap. There was just no need . . . the placings weren't going to change and we'd both had beer handups already so why climb those hills again?!?! And don't say "for pride" as that is clearly not a concern this year for me. I was happy to be done and go do some superfanning of my own!

Whitewater race looking to see who might be lapping me now

And then came Sunday . . . very quickly after Saturday and with tired legs. Amazingly I got up and out of the house with enough time to photograph some of the first race. So you know how sports psychologist types are always telling you to visualize success. Guess what? That's not what I was doing. I was visualizing a painful race all by myself off the back just like last year. It's ironic that I would feel that way about Estabrook since the first cross race I ever won was Estabrook.

Estabrook brought out some additional Cat 1/2 Women racers with 9 total. I didn't get a great start but kicked it up a notch moving off the grass and onto the bike path and passed Rachel. This is not uncommon as Rachel starts slowly but usually speeds up quickly. I was doing my usual go hard for a lap before moving into last place thing. I was enjoying the corners after the first barriers and hit the spiral with a decent gap to Rachel. The four barrier section was painful especially followed by the grass to pavement straightaway. I know the race course well enough to know you can really go all out in the woods so I always try to maintain lots of speed through there.

As I completed one lap I was happy to see that Rachel hadn't caught me. That motivated me to keep going hard. I actually shifted up on the pavement section and did my best impression of someone who can drill the straights. When I hit the corners after the first set of barriers I even stood up and sprinted out of some of the corners. I felt like it was 2006 and I was serious about cross. The great part about the spiral section in the course was I could see how much distance I had on Rachel. Not a lot but enough. Still I expected her to be behind me and passing any second since that is how it always goes down.

Around lap four I actually started to wish she would catch and pass me as this racing thing was starting to really hurt. My body was not accustomed to having to race hard this long. It's funny how the mind starts to have strange ideas as you're hurting. At first it thinks that there is no way I can beat Rachel but lets have fun and see how long I can hold her off. Then it starts to hope that she will catch me so I can stop suffering so much and let the race play out like it usually does. Then it starts to realize that if I really work hard that I might beat her and not be last at every race so let's keep this together. Then the mind starts to crumble a little and thinks we can't keep going like this. It's too hard. We're not prepared. Then as the laps get down to only a few to go the mind is conflicted . . . yes, no, please stop the suffering. Then finally with one lap to go your mind realizes that indeed you will be beating someone today so go hard but don't do anything stupid but go hard just in case.

And that's one of the things that is so cool really . . . sure it's about you and other racers but it's just as much about you against yourself. It was nice to be racing at all and racing against Rachel even if I heard she was recovering from illness. After so many DFL's I'll take a second from last any way I can get it.

Running the hill at Estabrook

All photos from djonnymac

Halloween Cross

I didn't think I'd be racing Halloween Cross so I did a hard week of ski training leading up to it. Then the promoter told me that next year they would once again offer equal prize money for the women's categories. That was what I wanted so on Friday when I found out I put the race back on the schedule. I hastily threw together a costume (which was Ana Killingspree of the Reservoir Dolls roller derby team).



I have to say that having not ridden my bike for two weeks but having spent a lot of time rollerskiing and one night of running hills I knew that my usual last place finish would be assured. I had one good lap where I rode with the Cat 3 women in the race but my legs just never got in the game. However, every person counts in the women's field so I went, I paid my entry fee, I stood on the start line and I rode around in circles.

The funny part of the race is that I felt really pathetic for not bunnyhopping the coffin barrier. Last year I did (although it was just a 2x4 so it was mentally easier) but this year I opted to just pop my front wheel up on the coffin and riding over it that way. On the preride I was thinking that I should bunnyhop but I told myself to play it safe. My mind reminded me that I had only ridden my cross bike 4 times this year and that in 3 weeks I was flying to West Yellowstone to ski. This was no time to show off skills that might not be so sharp. This is funny because I felt really lame the whole race but I later found out that very few women were riding it all.



Here is a little video from the start of the Cat 1/2/3 Women's race. I like footage from early on as I have not yet started to totally suck.



This is also from Lap One at the coffin obstacle where you can see that I am lame and didn't bunnyhop but I also didn't get off the bike. Thanks to Steve and Heather for the videos!

Canceled

My busy weekend of double cross races came to a screeching halt on Friday afternoon as I took call, after call, after call, after call to discuss the potential cyclocross race cancellations. In the end it really is up to the land manager as you can't make them allow the race to go on and the race promoter has to negotiate that with the conditions in mind. I just offer advice as to what can be done to notify people, reschedule, etc. I know cross isn't supposed to be canceled for bad weather but we also don't want to loose venues. It is just bike racing after all.

Here's the thing though - I love to race cross and was looking forward to it. However, I suddenly felt like some magical extra weekend in the year had been created and I could do whatever I wanted. It was tinged with a little sadness as I know that I will have to miss at least one of the rescheduled races (November 15). Yet it was so relaxing to have an unexpected free weekend.

I did lots of little things many of which were boring such as laundry, cleaning and the usual home chores/errand running that had been put off forever. I also cooked including some yummy blueberry muffins which I look forward to enjoying this week.




I also got in a much needed visit to my mother at the nursing home. Cyclocross season has been hard as I haven't visited her as much and when I do visit it has been post-race for a quick dinner and then I'm off. She was, of course, excited to hear of the race cancellation but I did force her to look at photos of me racing the last few weeks. She refers to cyclocross as that sport where you jump over things. Now she knows it also involves running while carrying your bike. Hopefully she doesn't tell the nurses where I am on the weekends as they likely would consider any description pf cross as a sign of increased dementia. Perhaps I need to print out and post a photo in her room to show that is what I am actually doing.

This weekend I also carved our pumpkins. I kind of thought Halloween was going to come and go before I got that done. I also got in a nice 2 hour rollerski. It was nice except that I ripped a hole in the knee of my favorite Patagonia tights. I planted a pole between my skis on the very last little uphill. I know better than to wear my good tights and now I'm paying the price. I also did a painful 5k run on Sunday.

Dave, however, was off on his own adventures with his father. He was up north where it snowed.


And he had a very lovely time hanging out in the duck blind with his father and his father's friends.

CX Double

The weekend in words . . . .
Two races
Two DFL finishes
Plenty of suffering
Funky socks
Fun with the teammates
And two beer handups!

The weekend in photos . . .


Badger Prairie downhill (Photo by Joy Trip Project)


Over the barriers in suffer mode (Photo by Joy Trip Project)



Up the annoying and hateful steep climb (Photo by djonnymac)

Taking the beer handup at Cam-Rock (Photo by Marty Larson)

What more can I say?

In Focus

Beyond the focusing problem that plagued my camera lens last weekend and forced me to send it in to see if it can be warrantied I've been having trouble focusing on training. Heck even exercise beyond biking to work and back seems to have been lost along the way this summer. I've been feeling really, really out of shape . . . and then I remember that compared to the average American I'm actually doing alright. But I'd like to do better again.

Luckily I've refound my athletic focus and have put in 2 solid weeks of training. It feels good (well, in a painful way) to be back on track. Of course, I've totally given up on even pretending I will have any fitness for cyclocross and plan to just go out there and tough it out. Instead I've focused in on the ski season and have become motivated to get back into some semblance of shape. Recently I've done some very painful double pole sessions, skate and classic intervals and this horrific drill of skiing with an exercise band around the legs (which is incredibly exhausting). One of the other gals at ski school even commented on how I've gotten stronger lately . . . really I've just gotten motivated. It makes a difference.

However, cyclocross has not been abandoned and planning is underway for the 2010 cyclocross season for the Capitol Velo Club. We've got some changes and improvements planned for the team and if I weren't already on the team I would be begging to be recruited. It's going to be that awesome . . .

Cross Racing Day

Life can follow a familiar pattern. Get up, find yourself totally disorganized. Search wildly for a jersey, matching shorts, arm warmers, knee warmers, leg warmers, undershirt, wool socks, bike shoes, earband, helmet, gloves for all types of weather. Find yourself already behind schedule. Find your camera and your video camera and pack up your laptop. Eat breakfast. Look at watch and realize you are still behind schedule. Grab a few random snacks and realize you are woefully under prepared for the day.

Finally load bikes and get in the car and hit the road. Feel a sense of relief that your new car has a plug in so you can charge the batteries of your camera and video camera. Important things that seem to have fallen off the radar until the moment you need to leave the house.

Spend the entire trip in the car convincing yourself that you do want to race and that you are not going to back out now. Not after going to all the trouble of finding all your riding gear and throwing it into a bag. Daydream about not racing and wonder if that would be liberating. Or would it be depressing? Of course, it is always times like this when one questions the summer's priorities and wonders how you got here, today, so woefully unprepared.

After some deep thinking about not racing it becomes clear that racing must happen. If not now when? Next year? It won't get easier this year and the number of miles in the legs won't change. And downgrading has been taken off the table with all the injured and otherwise occupied Cat 1/2 Women it won't do to lose another to lack of preparation.

Once at the venue everything settles into a familiar routine of attempting to take some photos and shoot some video. Race preparation does happen as Dave is conscripted into mounting cyclocross tires on wheels. For the first time ever the cross bike has not been ridden until race day. Luckily one can visualize how to mount and dismount which hopefully makes up for actual practice. Surely you can't forget anyway. This was the passion. Preparation began in spring and a serious campaign was mounted with trips to Michigan and Ohio and UCI points earned. It's hard not to be nostalgic for that girl with the passion of a new convert and dreams of being competitive.

Times change. Now the dreams are of surviving and finding fitness in time for winter. However, a quick pre-ride shows that all is not lost. It is possible to get on and off the bike still. It's not smooth or comfortable but it's good enough.

The camaraderie with the other gals in the race is also a familiar feeling that one would hate to give up just because one didn't prepare. Then the race begins and for a few brief seconds you hang with the group. It's a nice familiar feeling. But so is the feeling of drifting off the back and riding around alone. Both places have been a familiar sight over the years. Neither is easy. This is cross and suffering must happen. The fun would be diminished by taking is easy and off the back or in the mix it is still a tribute to screaming legs and lungs. An idea comes - why not run the hill? Running feels more familiar than riding.

And eventually it is all over. You're left riding the course by yourself and you know you only have to do the hill once more and then the barriers and then you're almost done. And because the world is a funny place you're placed in 3rd in the provisional results instead of last. You can't help but think of how funny it would be to not say anything. The teammates would be quite surprised and think you must have been doing secret training camps in obscure locations in a plain jersey where no one would recognize you. Alas though the truth wins out and you demand to be placed correctly at the bottom of the field.

And then you take more photos and you curse your camera lens for deciding to stop working. But you try not to think about what this means - will it be fixable, will it be under warranty, can you afford a replacement, what about next weekend?

Then it's into the car where once again you love the new car features and you plug in your laptop and download photos. And by the time you arrive at your mother's nursing home you've already sorted and organized almost all the photos. Efficiency feels good. Sore legs and tired lungs feel good. You dream of reclaiming your fitness in time for the Birkie. Maybe the time and motivation can be found now. Late but not too late.

After what seems like a lifetime but is really just one really long day you find yourself back at home with bags to unpack, photos to upload and videos to create. How can so much chaos be created in just one day? Then you realize that this is a furlough week and your services are not required at work on Monday. There will be time to unpack and do the laundry. Take the camera lens in and maybe even relax.